Bridal Dreams

So, the process of looking for a reception venue is starting to get to my head. (see photo, right. I have only modest expectations.)

Ed and I have looked at almost 10 venues now, and nothing has really caught my eye. To be honest, I'm not sure what my problem is. My married friends and co-workers tell me, "When you find it, you'll just know." I just haven't been "blown away" by anything. The places I thought were pretty, (and I won't mention names here, I'm not doing this to bash or promote any places, nor offend anyone who may have booked at these places) they seemed almost stereotypical to me - a.k.a. wedding factories whose sole reason for existance is to churn out happy brides. I don't know, I just want my wedding to be unique. I don't want to be at wedding capital, USA, crammed in with four other blushing brides waiting for THEIR photo ops by the cherrywood banister and marble stairs.

Does that make sense? Or am I nuts?

Maybe Ed is right - maybe I have looked at one too many Martha Stewart Weddings magazines, and now I expect to find a dreamy castle by a windy river with a 10-tier gallery cake for an affordable price. Of course, I know that isn't possible, and the 3 wedding mags I subscribe to that fill my head with these lofty illusions don't help one bit with dragging me back to reality.

Not to mention, every time I look at the prices tags, I get a churning stomach. I have never in my life dealt with places and things that cost so much money. I have never been faced with so many huge decisions in such a short span of time, I have no clue how to do any of this, and I have now idea what to say to these people. I suddenly feel like a lost 5-year-old. It is starting to depress me.

In the span of just one week, I have been woken up by three dreams. In the first two (I had variations of the same dream twice, scary), I am preparing to walk down the aisle, only to discover that no one is there, because I forgot to send out invitations. There is no photographer, no music, nothing. I begin to cry, and my parents start yelling at me about how irresponsible I am for not taking care of these things. I end up walking into an empty room in my gown, by myself. I woke up scared, because I thought it was really happening.

In the third dream, which I had this weekend, I miss my own bridal shower because I had to work. I arrive at a restaurant to find people leaving, and find out that I miss a nice toast that my sister made. I start to get upset, and my grandmom starts asking me what kind of wedding I want - big or small? I say that I don't know, and she informs me the wedding is next week. Again, I wake up scared.

Woah. I have SBA - serious bridal anxiety. This is getting worse than I thought.