The wish list

"Give me the gun."

Don't worry, the wedding planning process hasn't driven me that crazy. At least, not yet.

On Saturday, Ed and I started our wedding registry. And the "gun," a little device used to scan the items we wanted, became my very best friend. There were some times where I was temped to aim at humans, squeeze the little trigger and find out what would happen. They'd probably just be marked on clearance though.

Little did I know, this whole registering thing is exhausting. And, in typical Regina fare, it did not go smoothly.

Our first stop was Macy's, where we had a 10 a.m. appointment. I walked to the area with the sign that said "Bridal Registry," sat down, and suddenly the place was magically transformed into a car dealership.A woman tried to sell me the sun, the moon and the stars, with matching butter dish and service for 12.

"I see you didn't get your flatware," the woman behind the desk said.

"Oh yes, I did," I replied after roaming the store for over 2 hours with a stomach full of nothing but a hot chai latte from Starbucks. Patience. Wearing. Thin.

"No no, that is your everyday flatware. You need flatware for your fine china."

Excuse me? The last time I checked, a fork is a fork is a fork.I do not need special $20 Kate Spade forks to go with my Mikasa plates. I just don't.

"No, I don't need that. Thank you," I said.

"Are you sure? For fine china, I really recommend finer flatware."

You see where this is going. Needless to say, if I was considering $20 Kate Spade forks, I certainly wasn't now.

From there, Ed and I moved on to Target, where an appointment was not required. There, the process went much more quickly, much more smoothly, and no one "suggested" or bothered us for things while we looked around.

But in a way, that confused me more. Take the vacuums. There are dozens of them. Which one is right for me? Wind tunnel? Bagless? Wet/dry vac?

I needed to call mom, the Queen of Cleancarpetland.

"Sam, is mom there?" I said to my sister and bridesmaid.

"Hold on," Sam said. "She's vacuuming." (I can't make this stuff up people.)

She was too busy to talk, and couldn't recommend a model. Ed was getting ready to scan me in the hope that someone else would purchase me. But before he did that, I had made up my mind. I chose a Dirt Devil. I don't know, I just like the sound of the name.

We went home, and my Macy's registry still wasn't available online - another frustration. But I looked over my printout from the store, and just wasn't happy. I felt like I had been talked into things. Expensive things. Things that may be cheaper elsewhere.

I was right.

Ed and I consulted with our friends Chris and Jess, who are getting married in September. They registered at Bed Bath and Beyond and were very pleased with their experience. So on Sunday, Ed and I headed over there to do a little thing Regina likes called price comparing. Momma didn't raise no fool.

The $49.99 per place setting fine china I chose at Macy's was indeed at Bed Bath and Beyond. And it was $10 cheaper. The same was true for many other items. The woman was so nice, and instead of talking us into fancy forks, she actually talked us out of some things and found us better deals. I was so pleased with the service, I moved almost everything from my Macy's registry to the Bed Bath and Beyond registry.

So now we're done, and I am happy. And now I say this - if my guests don't buy from our registry, I will shoot them. With a registry scanner.